


How Can I Say I Love You?

by stylinked



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, I've cried a lot writing this, Implied Cheating, Listen to the song while reading, M/M, heartclenching, larry - Freeform, major angst, mentions of another man, this was painful to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-05 22:48:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5393129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylinked/pseuds/stylinked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>harry fell out of love...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Inspired by the song I'm Not The Man For You by Rebel Souljahz.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Can I Say I Love You?

**Author's Note:**

> Please listen to the song I'm Not The Man For You by Rebel Souljahz!!!
> 
> Enjoy! Kudos & Comment please! Xo
> 
> Haven't edited either! Apologies!

Four years. Louis thinks. Four of the greatest years he's ever had because he's in love. Have been in love with Harry. The man who holds his heart. The only man who has the power to break it. 

They're good. Louis reassures himself everyday that he and Harry are good. This is normal. They're way past the honeymoon stage and are comfortable, very comfortable. Nothing to overthink when Harry's out later than usual or when was the last time Harry cooked for him. 

Harry's busy. Louis understands that. He works hard, from sun rise to sun down. Harry's always tired. Harry doesn't want a back rub and that's okay, he just wants to sleep it off. 

Louis works, he's exhausted too. How long have this distance between them been going on? Ever since when was it only work, eat in silence and go to bed. A kiss goodnight if Louis is lucky. 

Harry loves Louis. He does. Louis loves him too. Very much. Days past and why does Harry look more exhausted than the day before? Why isn't it the exhaustion Louis hope it is? 

Since when do they lack communication? They're Harry and Louis. Their friends wished they had a relationship like theirs. They envied Louis and Harry. When was the last time they had a lads night? 

It's okay. They're okay. They'll get over this little bump on this road. All couples go through this, right? Harry isn't tired of Louis, right? Harry just needs some space. 

Harry came home, couple hours later than he told Louis. Harry stopped texting or calling Louis during his breaks at work or when he was heading home so it took Louis by surprise. 

Finally, Louis thought. They're going to be okay. They're gonna have their old habits back. They're okay. Everything is going to be okay. Louis also has a surprise. 

Louis whips up Harry's favorite for dinner. When he finished, he stuffed it in the oven so it'll stay warm by the time Harry comes home and they can eat together. Instead of Louis eating by himself because apparently Harry always has a big lunch or summat. 

Harry walks through the threshold, sets down his keys and wallet. Blazer off, 2 buttons are unbuttoned, his hair a mess, eyes pinkish and eyes red rimmed. Cheeks a bit flushed. If it wasn't for the winter weather outside, Louis would think he's been crying. 

"Hey, Haz. Dinners ready." Louis stand up and greets his boyfriend at the foyer, kissing his cheek. Harry nods and lightly kisses Louis' hair. 

See, they're gonna be okay. Louis grins up at Harry, having him sit down and handing his plate to him and they both eat in tense silence. Louis hates it. 

"How was work, darling?" Louis speaks up, Harry coughs. 

"Um, same as usual. Nothing much happened. What about you?" 

"Same, did finger painting with the kids today. Was a big mess." Louis answers. He's a kindergarten teacher. 

"This taste good, Lou. Thank you." Harry says when Louis takes their plates to the sink. 

"S' your favorite. Wanted to cook it for you. Do you want to me run a bath for you?" 

"No, actually can we talk?" Louis nods and follows Harry to their living room. 

They sit next to each other, Harry's breathing was audible. He's nervous, Louis thinks. Louis has news too and he'll tell him after Harry has spoken. 

"Louis, just hear what I have to say, try not to interrupt because it's already hard for me to say what I have to say okay?" Louis gulps, nervously and nods. Louis heart is aching and he doesn't even know why.

"Louis, you're amazing, truly incredible and beautiful. Four years together and you've taught me so many things, helped me in so many ways you don't know. You've been my rock. You were my everything," Louis didn't even know tears were streaming down his face. He knows what's gonna happen. He knows why Harry's needs to talk to him. 

Harry had some tears of his own. "Yeah, you were. I'm sorry, Louis, fuck." Harry drops his head down and pinches the bridge of his nose, tears rushing out. 

"I'm sorry for everything I put you through this past month. My selfishness. The distance. I'm so fucking sorry Louis. I know I hurt you with my behavior and all you did was look for a positive side to everything. You're trying so hard for us to be okay again and repair this relationship. I'm such a fucking asshole," Louis sobs, into his hand over his mouth. 

"You're being strong for the both of us and I'm telling you to just be strong for yourself now. There's nothing that you can do to repair this relationship, Lou. Everyday I think about how to tell you that I don't love you like I used to. How to make this break up not turn into a mess." Louis is full on sobbing. His heart clenching, aching and it's so painful. 

"I put up a front everyday for you. I try to love you like I did. I just can't, Louis. I just fell out of love with you. I'm sorry it had to happen this way," Harry was crying too. Words cracking when he spoke. Louis tried to calm himself down but he couldn't. He loves Harry so fucking much and this is breaking him. Piece by fucking piece. 

"You're so lovely. You were the best thing that happened to me, but I can't help how I feel. So this lying has to come to an end. I'm sorry Louis." Harry grabs Louis and wraps his arms around Louis. 

Louis fucking sobs, clutching at his jumper at his chest, body shaking cries, in Harry's arms. Louis can't even speak. Can't even call him an asshole or beg him to stay. But Louis isn't that type of person to beg someone to stay when they're clearly not happy. 

"Thank you for everything, Louis. Thank you for all the times we've had. The fun times, our firsts together, the mind blowing sex, everything. Thank you Louis. I'm sorry." Louis shakes his head, sobbing into Harry's chest. Now clutching on to Harry's shirt. 

"Ha-Haz." Louis weeps in Harry's arms. Harry weeps too. 

"It wasn't easy Louis, it's not. You were once my everything and having to see you this way all because of me, it hurts too." Louis clutches tighter and Harry hold tighter too, sobbing 'I'm sorry.' Over and over again. 

Louis pulls back, still sobbing, eyes bloodshot red, cheeks blotchy, reaches under the coffee table, and pulls out a black velvet box and Harry shakes his head, sobbing harder. 

Louis opens the box and presents him with the most beautiful gold band Harry's ever seen. Harry takes it, holds it close to his chest and weeps. Louis just watches with blurry eyes. 

"H-how, w-when?" Harry gasps. 

"I- I bought it last week. Wanted to show you that we'll make it through the ro-rough p-patch and you'll be my F-forever." Louis cries in convulsive gasps. 

 

"I- I'm so so so sor-sorry L-Louis." Closes the box and puts it on the coffee table. 

"I l-love y-you so fu-fucking much, H-Harry." Louis' hearts hurts. Everything hurts. There's no reason for him to live anymore. The love of his life is leaving him. 

Louis will never find someone he'll love as much as he loved Harry. Harry is his everything, his whole world and his world has came crashing down. Louis heaving. Trying to breathe. 

How will he cope? How will he live? When he's dead inside. 

They sob together, there's nothing much left to say. They don't know how long they weep but it slowly stops, but Louis is still heaving and tears are still falling from his eyes. 

"I-I've said, all I had to say. Do you want to say anything?" And Louis shakes his head, can't even look Harry in the eye before he starts sobbing again. 

"I'll have my things removed by this week, you can keep the flat." Louis shakes his head. 

"I- I won't be able to survive living here without you. You're everywhere in the flat. We fucked in every room and every surface, this is the first flat we got together, I can't live here." 

"W-We could sell it then because I can't drown myself in the memories we've made here." Louis nods. 

"I'll go-" Louis shakes his head. Grabbing onto Harry's wrist. 

"Cuddle me, one last time, please. I won't be able to have a good nights sleep in a while." Harry agrees. 

The shower one last time, they get in bed naked, one last time. Instead of Louis being the big spoon, Harry is tonight, one last time. Louis takes in the warmth and the smell that radiates off Harry, the warmth he'll never feel again. 

"Is it someone else, Harry?" Louis voice rough. 

"Did you cheat? When did this start?" Louis questioned, letting out choked sobs as Harry held him in place.

"Yes. I'm sorry Lou. It's still new, a couple of months." Louis cries silently. Holding on to Harry because he know Harry even be here in the morning. Louis wants to kick him out, cut his dick off, scream and hit him but it's just all numb now and the matter of just feeling this one last time. 

 

Louis jolts awake. Cheeks wet. Looks to his side and it's empty. Harry left. Louis starts sobbing, screaming 'Fuck' and 'No' throwing his pillows. 

Someone bursts through the door. 

Harry. 

He looks deeply concerned and worried, in his boxer briefs. 

He rushes to Louis' side and Louis jumps in Harrys arms, holding tight. Sobbing into his bare neck. 

"Baby, baby, baby, Lou, what's wrong? What happened?" Harry hand rubs Louis back, the other holding him securely tight.

"Y-you le-left me, t-told me you didn't love me anymore. Love som-someone else. I- it hurt, Har- Haz it killed me. I feel it in my chest. My he-heart it- it hurts Harry." 

"Aw, baby, it's just a bad dream. I'm not gonna leave you. I'm right here and I love you so much Louis. I'd kill myself before I even think about loving someone else. It's you baby. Only you. The only one. I'm not going anywhere." 

"Did you forget that you proposed? And by me saying yes, it's forever. Me and you, forever." Louis pulls back and Harry shows him the white gold band on his left hand. 

Louis calms down by Harry telling him to breath and saying how much he loves Louis. 

 

It was just a dream. A bad fucking dream. 

"I love you so much it hurts." 

"I love you just as much boo."


End file.
